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Of winners and a good night's sleep

Remember this day, for the world witnessed two God-sent miracles.

Fernando Torres 2 - 0 Chelsea

Rafael Nadal clinched the Australian Grand Slam by beating Roger Federer. 

Of the distance and timezones

Many people around me believe that long distance relationships are like rainbows - you will just never see to the end of it. To many, a relationship established on the foundations of substantially long distance or even colliding time differences is nothing more of a veridical myth, it's as real as real can be, but we can never find one who will live to tell his or her tale. Who can blame these skeptics though? We all have seen our fair share of people around us going through grievance after grievance; heartbreak after heartbreak due to failures of sustaining a relationship severed by the laws of geography. 

Therefore, when I made the decision to start a relationship with Sherve, people around me doubted. I don't blame them for their incertitudes, simply because I was doubtful about how will I go on for another 2 years upholding a relationship like that without suffering the loss of passion and intimacy as well. I was once engaged in a long distance relationship about 6 years ago, that was my first and apparently a self-sworn "last" long distance relationship I'll ever get into. Not that it ended horribly. In contrary, the relationship went on pretty well, until one day she decided to go on a permanent hiatus out of the blue. I had no means in locating her and we have lost touch since then. 

Physical tangency plays an essential role in every relationship, there is no denying it. Simple yet endearing gestures like holding your partner's hands, a hug or something even as small as feeling each other's warmth through physical contact are magical. Got into a fight? Hug it over. Crossing a busy junction? Hold hands. Miss someone? Long passionate kiss. Feeling mellow? A warm embrace and fingers tracing on the face would do. 

The fact remains, among many other factors like missing someone, the shortage of communication time, the amount of trust needed, the compromises and compatability, physical contact is just as important to get a long distance relationship to work. Which is why, more often than not, we hear horror stories about cheating partners that have lovers across a different timezone and continent waiting for their return. At the end of the day, humans are weak and temptations are always around.

So, why did I put myself through the risk of uncertainties with this intricate phenomenon known as long distance relationship once again? 

Because I have grown up and most importantly - I have faith. Things between Sherve and myself have been fantastic so far. We do get into small little debates from time to time but nothing we couldn't solve. I am still very passionate about this journey I'm embarking with her and I have total faith that this will go a long way, and ultimately, I will see to the end of my rainbow with her. 

How do we do it, you asked? Since I'm feeling generous and the holiday mood is upon us, let me present to you a list of things that I think every couple that is engaged in a long distance relationship should take heed of:

1) Soak in the fact. The first and most important thing you must do when you get yourself involved in a long distance relationship is to simply acknowledge it. Understand that it is a fact that you will be separated from your partner for a certain period of time and there is nothing you can do about it. If you do not adopt this mindset, it will never work. Unleash the realist in you and face up to the issue. If you cannot or are not prepared to go through it, then don't. 

2) Don't be demanding. Don't whine when your partner is not able to call you because of the expensive call rates. Don't cry when your lover needs to spend more time studying than talking to you. Don't throw a tantrum when your other-half goes for a night out with a platonic friend. The context and idea of a long distance relationship is already demanding enough, do not heap more of that on your partner. I'm not talking about not having expectations, but always go through the prospects and guidelines with one another and agree to them only if you are really sure you can abide. 

3) Resist temptations. The lack of physical tangency might fuck up your persona a little. Do not , even for a moment, invite the idea of cheating on your other-half simply for physical pleasures. If you cannot cope with the distance and keep your privates to where they belong for the period of time, talk to your partner and either work it out or break it off. 

4) Keep yourself busy. This is the best time to focus on your study and your work, or whatever that is important in your life. Take this opportunity to pursue your dreams and share them with your partner.

5) Communicate. Sadly, that is the only thing that is able to keep a long distance relationship in shape. When I say communicate, it's not just about talk-cock-sing-song-play-mahjong kind of communication. Do not accumulate grudges or go to bed with your emotions filled to the brim with wrath. Solve problems instantly. Lack of communication destroys even the strongest relationships, what more one that is threading on distance?

6) Be honest. If you screwed up or made a mistake that will upset your partner, admit it. Communicate, anylyse and solve the problem together. Though the ever-important "after-fight hug" will not be available, but the satisfaction in knowing that both of you managed to solve a problem through the distance is priceless.

7) Be optimistic. Understand that "what does not kill you will only make you stronger". Remember that one day, your partner will be back into your arms for good. Keep in mind that the short period of time that separates the both of you apart now is worth the wait, because the years and years after that will bear fruits to your labour. 

8) Have fun. Lastly, have as much fun as possible with the little you have. Start a blog together, do stupid things on webcam or simply send each other cards or presents from time to time. Keep the fire going and leave the rest to God. 

 

"Missing someone gets easier everyday because even though you are one day further from the last time you saw them, you are one day closer to the next time you will."

Happy Chinese New Year anyway! Have a good one!

Of another year and a signature that shoudn't have been

I just renewed and extended my contract with the agency I'm currently working for. 

Another "one more year". Another 365 days. 

The only differences are, there will be more new jobs this year; the Boss refused to hire a new writer upon request due to the turbulent financial situation the entire world is in now; I'll be exploited by my evil colleagues more than ever because I'm under contract, so there is no way I can resign unless I compensate and buy over my contract, which is not a choice at all to be honest due to the hefty price; I got myself an increment but the standard of living is rising faster than a pornstar's weiner; I will still be the only English Writer for a company of about 40 people and I will still hold fort to my one-man department. 

Sigh. I think I sold my soul to this company. 

Of the Kop End and a trip to sanctum

Come this April, I will be making my pilgrimage to the holy ground. 

It will cost me quite a fortune, but I guess you simply cannot put a price tag on once-in-a-lifetime experience like this.

Anfield. Home of Liverpool Football Club. 

But of course, visiting the girlfriend also played a major part in me making a decision to get myself out of the usual trips confined within this very region. 

So, I am getting pretty excited about it. Not too fond of the lonely 18-hour flight though.

Of a letter to Santa and the year that was

Dear Santa,

Hello, how are you doing? It is that time of the year again when you are glorified more than Jesus Christ by miles and funny people all over the world try their very best to dress and act like you just to make kids that are stupid enough to think that you exist (letters to Santa? Idiots.) happy. You are probably occupied by the truckloads of work in your gift factory together with your spooky elf friends, but do take a minute to read this letter of mine because this will probably be the most honest letter you will ever read.

Speaking of which, I'm sure after all the years (judging from the length of your beard and the size of your belly) of being a Santa Claus, you should know better than anyone else just how many liars are out there in the world. Especially kids. They lie just to coax you into getting them whatever they want. Such spoilt brats. They would go on raving about how they have been such "good boys" or "good girls" all year long. Like anyone would believe that. I suggest you have a Santa-parent day next year, you know, something like the parents-teacher day thing we have in schools, just to uncover the bloody lies these people can choke up with their balls. I sympathise you, after all the bullshits, deceits and prevarications you had to put up with, you still had to squeeze your big fat butt down dust-covered chimneys at ungodly hours so that people will remember you just for that one Christmas day of the following year. 

I don't even know from where do people get the impression that they have to be "good" all year long just to get presents from you. From Christmas songs? Bedtime stories? Urban legends? Come on, give me a break. You are not perfect, just take a look at that fat-factory of yours underneath. Which disgruntled elf of yours gave mankind the idea that you endorse good behaviour or you are an advocate of obedience? I personally think that you are just a mortal, a man and like every other man, you have vices of your own. 

Okay, back to me. I haven't been a "good" boy at all this year, like anyone cares. Let me walk you through the milestones and chronology of my year.

1) I did not register myself to vote for the General Election in March even though I should have. Well, in all fairness, I did register, but it was already too late. By the way, history was created when Barisan Nasional was denied the two-third majority for the first time ever in 51 years. Not that you care anyway since you have more important issues to deal with, like getting a life. So yeah, Badawi almost shat in his pants because the Opposition gave him and his administration a good run for their money. But yeah, I made up the statistics of non-voters. Boo-hoo.

2) I tendered my resignation letter in May. It's a long story so I shouldn't bore you (ha-ha) with it. Yeah, I am still quite indecisive if it was a good or bad decision. Anyway, my boss inveigled me into signing a 6-month contract, of course with incentives of some pretty attractive figures. So, it's December now and my contract is due to expire in 1 month, and I'm still in a state of disarray because I don't know what do I want to do after this. Should I extend my contract and stay? Should I leave? I'm currently in my comfort zone; yet the prospects out there are more enticing than Megan Fox my beautiful girlfriend on an Audi R8. Sigh.

3) I went through a pretty bad and messy break up in June. I guess it was one of those moments in life when God (not you) places so much adversities and hardship on you that you have to learn how to get up on your own two feet and appreciate the better things you have presently. As the saying goes, "what does not kill you only makes you stronger", and I'm definitely a stronger person now, as least in the aspect of romantic relationships. I have also met new people who are all so wonderful, and I also came to know this amazing girl who holds a very special place in my life. So, silver linings after all.

4) I got my first tattoo in June, a cross on my right arm. And then another one on my left arm 2 weeks later. Then another one on my leg. Then another one on my neck. Then another one on my upper arm which was done on my 23rd birthday. And I already have all the designs of my future tattoos ready. It's weird how people are still so incisive about their perceptions on body art. 

5) I got into a horrific car accident during late September, and for the flock of flies on the shit, it was a new car I bought only on March. One word of advice: do not try looking for your phone if you dropped it on the floor of your car  your sledge. Keep both your chubby hands in total control of your reindeers at all times.

6) I didn't get drunk on my birthday. Worst sin known to mankind.

7) I have been inebriating myself a lot. I guess it's part and parcel of working life. You slog like a dog on heat and you just want to drink so much to the point that at the end of the day, you can just plonk yourself down on the bed and fall asleep without thinking all the problems you have at work or how fucking cunts some of your colleagues can be.

8) I have been quite a bitch in the office. I would like to claim innocence though, being the only English writer for a company of 40 isn't exactly the easiest job in the world. Sometimes you just have to yell and scream your way through just so that you can get off from work as early as 11pm. 

9) I went for a massage in Bangkok. I thought it was a legal, clean and no hanky-panky kind of massage, but I ended up in the same room with a Thai hooker. Spent the 2 hours doing nothing but having heart-to-heart talk with her that ended with her sobbing in between tears. Isolated in a room with a girl who has sex for a living for 2 hours but no physical tangency? Second biggest sin known to mankind. Oh well, principles are principles. I hope she is doing well and doing something more dignified now.

There you go, Santa. I haven't been exactly a good boy this year, but hell, at least I'm honest about it. For that, I'd like to request for just one present from you for Christmas this year: time. Don't ask me why but I just need a lot of it right now.

My house does not have a chimney so feel free to let your gigantic ass in through the front door but please knock first. And I don't sleep until 5am on average. Thank you. 

p/s: bring me a box on Dunhill Reds too please. 

Yours always,

Tjer

Merry Christmas and Have a Happy New Year!

Of a special birthday and homecoming love

My love,

Happy 21st Birthday. In under 24 hours, you will be back into my arms.

I love you so very much.

Of advertising adversities and Tuesday horror

Generally, advertising agencies are classed into 2 divisions.

The first is called the "creative" team. The "creative" team consists of all the weird and uncanny people that wear pyjamas to work and have tempers that are more unpredictable than the minds of our politicians. The "creative" team has the Art Directors, Graphic Designers, Writers, Creative Directors and so on and so forth. Basically, the "creative" team is all about execution of good and creative work. 

The second is called the "account management" team, or more popurlarly known as the "client servicing" team, to avoid confusion with the "account management" people working in accounting firms that play around with numbers and being plain boring. The job scope for the "client servicing" people is to well, deal with the clients and brief the "creative" team on what the client wants. 

But today, I'm going to make a monumental call for the term "client servicing" to be ceased of usage for good and replace it with the term "account management" instead. People might think it's just a trivial matter of naming and labelling, like how lawyers are also more famously known as liars but they are generally the same(sorry girlfriend) ? But let me tell you and all the "client servicing" people this, in advertising, the clients are stupid. They have wads of cash and they don't know what to do with it. As an advertising agency, we are supposed to GUIDE and TEACH them the rules of advertising, not the other way around.

"Client servicing" simply means servicing your client. That is the whole fucking wrong perception, because we are not supposed to service the bloody clients, we are supposed to MANAGE them. Hence, I'd only use the term "account management" from now on, hopefully enough to drill the message home into the fucking thick skulls of the "client servicing" people. Stop sucking cocks for your clients and saying "yes" to their unreasonable demands, because we know better what's good for them. If it means having to put up a fucking fight against them just to extend the dateline by one day just so that your "creative team" gets a little more room for creativity, then so be it. Seriously, stop licking the butts of the clients, we have enough hookers in this world to do that, gain some bloody self-respect for the love of god.  

Manage your clients; don't service them. Don't sell the dignity and worth of your own, your creative team and your whole agency because of the little pat on the back your client gives you every once in awhile (they might actually be wiping shit on your shirt for all you know.)

Rant over.

Of working desks and sexual theft

Being an advertising agency, desks in my office are naturally ornamented with weird, creative, uncanny or even inspiring items. One Art Director has his table filled with alloy mechanical toys from Bangkok, a graphic designer here has his cubicle pasted with posters of fancy cars and this Chinese copywriter has soft toys residing on her very, very, colourful work station and so on and so forth. I guess all these "work desk supplements" reflect a lot on the character and persona of my colleagues. 

My desk consists of random things that I tend to draw inspiration from: 

Pinned up work-in-progress tattoo designs on the canvas board.

My little mini bar for effectivestress relief.

Chocolates moulded into the shape of gold coins to bribe off pesky Client Servicing people. Notice how empty it is already.

Toys for self entertainment.

The irremissible rule for all writers: a personal library of books and magazines.

And little somethings for me to shove it to annoying clients when they get on my nerves.

I was actually a little apprehensive about putting the Durex merchandises on my desk for open viewing because my colleagues are generally a very conservative bunch. I wouldn't want the guys to start taunting me or the girls to have their faces flushed each time they walk past my work station just because of a few latexes. 

But I guess all those worries flew out of the window faster than I could mutter, "Safe sex!".  

A couple of weeks after I put up the brand new boxes of rubbers on the table, I opened them up today and THIS greeted me:

 

Someone has been stealing condoms off my desk! Call the bloody police!

Conservative it seems. 

Of being a better man and being a better fan

I don't usually post videos, but this entire TVC campaign by Maxis should sweep all awards there are in the advertising industry. It's funny, it's witty, it's so stupid yet it's so true. Good job BBDO Malaysia, you guys truly captured the essence of every football fan and the true colours of their estranged other-halves in the most realistic fashion. I applaud you.

I'll be expecting a comment from that girlfriend of mine.

I hate Mondays.